In a time before social media and high-speed internet, satirists all over the globe would relish in the idea of the sitting president of the United States and democratic candidate dropping out of the race for being a demented old husk. But in 2024, staring down the flood of content surrounding such an event, it can be overwhelming for a satirist to come up with an original take.
“I didn’t even bother writing about the Trump assassination,” this writer tells himself in an exclusive self-interview for Lousy Human, his own publication. “I saw a picture of Trump with a bullet in his teeth on X within five minutes of the bullet leaving the gun, and it was Joever for me. By the morning, a full anime reenactment had already been published online. What am I going to do? Write a funny article? Get the fuck out of here.”
Though he had ideas on approaching the subject, nothing felt unique enough to bother publishing.
“I thought maybe he’s leaving for Onlyfans or to be the official taste taster for Ben & Jerry’s, or maybe he sniffs the kids that L’Oréal tests their shampoos on. But nothing made me want to get up and write.”
Then he said, “fuck it.”
“I decided that I was going to rationalize my feelings about the death of parody in the insane hellscape we currently exist in with a self-interview about all the witty jokes and angles I could’ve shared,” he said. “But, what’s the fun of writing about writing a satire when Hulk Hogan is talking about ‘Trumpamania’ running wild on Trans people or whatever? They called Amber Rose a rapper! She has ‘Crash’ and ‘Bash’ on her fucking forehead! Those are her kid’s names! Dana White beats his wife!”
Ultimately, insecurities set in regardless as he began to regret the entire idea of the self-interview.
“At first, I thought, what a unique idea! It will be funny just to throw it all out the window and tell a short tale about struggling to write in the age of information. But the longer I wrote, the more it seemed like it could be a stupid idea,” he said, reflecting. “One that would show just how unoriginal I really am, welcome the judgment of my peers, and ultimately outcast me from comedy, writing, or any other community I attempted to join. Leading to my disappearance altogether.”
However, as the interview concluded, he began to come back to the idea.
“Content is content, I guess,” he concluded. “When it comes down to it, I don’t think I really give a fuck about what people are going to say. There are plenty of cringe morons I have to interact with in the comedy scene on a daily basis. The other day, I had a Trump supporter tell me he didn’t believe in interracial marriage or desegregation. He was black. And it’s people saying shit like that that makes me unphased on what people are going to say about me.”
He did acknowledge that regret never truly fades.
“I still wish I had written the one about him sniffing kids for L’Oréal. The only tears that come from their kid’s shampoo are the ones Joe causes when they see him coming, already sniffing the air.”