“I might have to put in some hours at work,” said 29-year-old Ray Jensen with a touch of anxiety when his girlfriend proposed a pumpkin-picking outing for the third time. Living north of Philadelphia, Jensen found himself increasingly short on excuses.

“It’s only the beginning of Fall, and this is the third time she’s suggested apple or pumpkin picking,” sighed a frustrated Jensen. I keep telling her I have Sunday shifts, but I work at Chick-fil-A. I doubt she’s buying that anymore.”

Jensen lamented that he resided in the heart of prime fruit-picking territory in Eastern Pennsylvania and Southern New Jersey. “We’re practically in fucking fruit-picking central. It’s like I’m living in a Pepperidge Farm commercial!”

Jensen described his girlfriend, 28-year-old Michelle Robinson, as relentless in her determination to don flannels and visit a farm before Halloween.

“She’s pretty crafty, too,” noted Jensen. “Michelle makes a point to highlight potential stops on the way back from these outings. Last time, she mentioned that her college roommate works at a strip club near I-95, and we could swing by for complimentary wings and lap dances,” said Jensen. “She even tells me that they experimented a lot and they could give me a show in the champagne room if we bring her a fresh pumpkin, the woman will stop at nothing!”