Author: Reggie W.

Articles

UPS to Hold NFL Style Combine for Bevy of Candidates

Due to the staggering number of applications flooding its system, United Parcel Service, better known as UPS, will now hold NFL-like combine tryouts for all looking to don the brown and gold.  “You wouldn’t believe the sheer amount of young people wanting to deliver packages for a living, but hell at $170,000 a year who could blame them, that’s mob associate money,” said veteran UPS … Continue reading UPS to Hold NFL Style Combine for Bevy of Candidates

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Focus Group Uneasy With ‘Young Sheldon’ Where Youngster Becomes a Meth Kingpin

CBS executives were taken aback when a recent focus group participant called out the network on a yet-to-be-air episode of ‘Young Sheldon. The controversial episode sees the title character use his intellect to corner the Meth market in his small Texas town. “I really don’t think that’s in the spirit of what the show is about,” said Edna Reynolds of Sturgeon Bay, Wisconsin. “We watch … Continue reading Focus Group Uneasy With ‘Young Sheldon’ Where Youngster Becomes a Meth Kingpin

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Man With Boat Shoes Not As Big A Hit As He Thought At The BBQ

“I feel like a fucking Kenndy,” said Eugene Stewart of Medford, Oregon, as he admired his new Rockport boat shoes. “In 2010 boat shoes had a moment, no doubt about that and their time has come again,” said the 46-year-old grocery store manager, who was keen on harkening back to when dependable footwear was a ubiquitous staple in the wardrobes of White men all across … Continue reading Man With Boat Shoes Not As Big A Hit As He Thought At The BBQ

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Black Players Flourishing Under NBA’s Diversity Program

In a move to promote racial unity within the ranks of professional sports, the NBA is pleased with the effects of its diversity program. “It’s really remarkable to see said,” said NBA Commissioner Adam Silver. “We wanted to make a concerted effort to show African Americans that they, too, had a place in today’s NBA. The community’s response has been great; we hope to see … Continue reading Black Players Flourishing Under NBA’s Diversity Program

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King Charles Coronation Schedule Released to the Public

In a star-studded event that has not been seen in decades, King Charles III and Queen Camilla will be crowned at Westminster Abbey in London, England. Buckingham Palace officials have made the schedule of the day’s events available to the media, which goes as follows: 6:00 am: Coronation viewing areas will open along the main procession route, and collectively wonder why this event is happening seven … Continue reading King Charles Coronation Schedule Released to the Public

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Aaron Rodgers coming to New York after demands met

After months of speculation and rumors, 4-time NFL MVP Aaron Rodgers has officially been traded to the New York Jets. The deal was long coming and quite costly for the Jets. Gang-green would not only have to swap their first round pick with the Packers in the upcoming NFL draft, but they will also part ways with the 42nd pick, the 207th, a 2024 conditional … Continue reading Aaron Rodgers coming to New York after demands met

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Tucker Carlson and Don Lemon to Team Up for New Show

After being let go by their respective news networks, Tucker Carlson and Don Lemon will team up on a new show that begins next week. “Wake up YouTube” will air live at 9:00 am and alternate between Lemon’s veranda in Washington D.C. and Carlson’s basement in Woodstock, Maine. Critics wonder if men with such differing opinions as Carlson and Lemon could be cordial enough to … Continue reading Tucker Carlson and Don Lemon to Team Up for New Show

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Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Kicks Off Presidential Run By Contracting Smallpox

Robert F. Kennedy Jr., the son of former assassinated senator Robert F. Kennedy has officially thrown his hat in the ring for the 2024 presidential race. Following in the footsteps of his famous political family, Kennedy Jr. has been a known activist for many causes, most notably advocating against vaccinations. Kennedy Jr. did not try to soften his anti-vax stance but instead doubled down on … Continue reading Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Kicks Off Presidential Run By Contracting Smallpox

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Greta Thunberg Rage Quits Climate Activism

Dear environmentalists, conservationists, ecologists, and tree huggers everywhere, This is a letter that I dreaded and never thought I would have to write, but like the melting of the ice caps, the time is nigh. I have decided to leave the movement. I have been at this for a long time. Trying to save the planet has taken up most of my young life. I … Continue reading Greta Thunberg Rage Quits Climate Activism

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