In a shocking move, the National Basketball Association (NBA) has announced the Hallmark Channel as its exclusive media partner. The network, best known for its quaint romance movies, will broadcast NBA games for the next ten seasons.

Hallmark Channel stalwart Lacey Chabert has been tapped as the lead commentator alongside veteran Marv Albert. The duo is expected to bring a unique, heartwarming touch to game commentary.

Several prominent media outlets, including NBC and ESPN, vied for the partnership. NBC, in particular, was a strong contender, reportedly offering the NBA a staggering $2.5 billion annually for the broadcast rights. However, in a last-minute twist, the Hallmark Channel swooped in with an offer the NBA couldn’t resist, sweetening the pot with a lifetime supply of cozy holiday sweaters.

“It’s all about cross-promotion,” says media analyst Bob “Swoops” Sanders. “Hallmark gives the NBA access to an audience they’ve never tapped into—people who will watch about anything.

High-level discussions are underway to integrate Hallmark’s signature programming with NBA action. One proposal involves famed NBA player and commentator Charles Barkley doing a weekly power ranking of his current favorite Hallmark movies, with special guest appearances by former players dressed as Santa Claus.

Sources tell Lousy Human that the WNBA plans to get in on the action with plans for a crossover deal. If the deal goes through, LeBron James and Caitlin Clark will star opposite one another in a Hallmark remake of Love & Basketball.