Tag: Funny
Unpopular Opinion: It’s OK to Sleep With A Man So That You Can Use One Of His Bay Leaves In Your Curry
In this day and age, the dating scene is full of passive individuals, avoiding confrontation and not asking for what they want. This has created an outbreak of unsatisfying relationships, with both parties not meeting the needs of their lovers. I have a reminder for you. You can get what you want if you just ask. It’s not using someone, because everybody’s using someone. All … Continue reading Unpopular Opinion: It’s OK to Sleep With A Man So That You Can Use One Of His Bay Leaves In Your Curry
Bucket of Little Hot Dogs
Are you tired? Feel Hopeless? Or really fucking bored? Do you ever feel stuck in the daily grind of the rat race, confronting the bleak reality of repetition that will consume your life until the day you are buried in the ground with no tangible idea of how to escape it? A bucket of little hotdogs could help. There isn’t much a little bucket of … Continue reading Bucket of Little Hot Dogs
Mark Zuckerberg And Elon Musk To Headline The First Billionaire Deathmatch
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the most mind-boggling, wallet-warring extravaganza the likes of late-stage capitalism have ever seen! Get ready to witness the clash of GDP vampires, the battle of brains and daddy bucks, as we bring you the inaugural edition of “Billionaire Deathmatch”! crowd erupts Announcer: Tonight, in the grandest of arenas, we transport you back in time to ancient Rome, where gladiators … Continue reading Mark Zuckerberg And Elon Musk To Headline The First Billionaire Deathmatch
Fun Activities For When Your Sunburn Is So Bad You Think You Might Have To Throw Up
If you’re like me, you’ve been having a lot of fun in the sun! Unfortunately, due to the sedatives you were under the influence of, you probably forgot to use sunscreen. Now you’re as red as a Maine lobster! No worries, babe. Here are some fun activities for when your sunburn is so bad you feel like you need to jump off an 8-story building. … Continue reading Fun Activities For When Your Sunburn Is So Bad You Think You Might Have To Throw Up
Man Gets Scared When His Feet Come Out From Under the Covers
For most, waking up in the middle of the night to cold feet is never fun. But for 31-year-old old Vinny Gooch, the experience is one of terror. “I get so fucking scared I could cry,” Vinny said. “I wake up, my piggies are frozen solid, and my next instinct is to start looking around the room for the person who’s responsible because they are … Continue reading Man Gets Scared When His Feet Come Out From Under the Covers
Man With Boat Shoes Not As Big A Hit As He Thought At The BBQ
“I feel like a fucking Kenndy,” said Eugene Stewart of Medford, Oregon, as he admired his new Rockport boat shoes. “In 2010 boat shoes had a moment, no doubt about that and their time has come again,” said the 46-year-old grocery store manager, who was keen on harkening back to when dependable footwear was a ubiquitous staple in the wardrobes of White men all across … Continue reading Man With Boat Shoes Not As Big A Hit As He Thought At The BBQ
Is This Rug Gay Or Straight?
Hey folks! Your favorite queer here, excited to bring you some super important Pride Month content. I’m here to answer the question we’ve all been asking: Is that rug gay or straight? Some are really obvious. This rug is straight as could be. Lesbian lesbian lesbian lesbian. But some are tougher to decipher… Is this rug a straight attempt to appropriate a culture that she … Continue reading Is This Rug Gay Or Straight?
Soup: I Like It Now (A Culinary Review By The Esteemed Charlene Horington)
I, like many intelligent, texture-sensitive individuals, have long had a resistance to soup. Commonly, a soup offers no textural variation and, instead, a strange, smooth, sometimes grainy mouthfeel that has terrified and repulsed me for decades. As a baby, I required juiced baby food. Smoothies and baby food texture are frankly too similar to soup. Horrifying. But after years of wandering the minefield of cuisine, … Continue reading Soup: I Like It Now (A Culinary Review By The Esteemed Charlene Horington)
What To Do When You Hate Your Best Friend’s Boyfriend’s Face
If you’re anything like me, you are best friends with the most funny, intelligent, kind, and beautiful woman in the world. She lights up every room she walks in. You kiss the ground before her as she steps. And rightfully so– she is a goddess, and you, a mere mortal. But now she’s dating a man with one of those faces that makes you want … Continue reading What To Do When You Hate Your Best Friend’s Boyfriend’s Face