We’re Sorry You Understood Our Violent and Racist Rhetoric

After receiving public blowback for increasing violent and racist comments by conservative leadership, the Republican Party has released a statement addressing their negative publicity. 

“On behalf of my constituents and I, I’d like to apologize to our colleagues in the House and Senate for their issue with some of the comments made by some of those in our party,” said Republican Leader Kevin McCarthy. “To those such as Nancy Pelosi or Ilhan Omar, we’re sorry you understood exactly what we meant by our comments. They were a joke like ‘hehe ho-ho we fucking hate you and want to kill you unless you find out.’ You were never supposed to see Lauren Boebert trying out her stand-up material in front of donors, calling Ilhan Omar a ‘suicide bomber’ and that her associates were part of the ‘jihad squad.’ There’s supposed to be no cameras present when Ms. Boebert services our donors. Again, they were meant to be harmless jokes that were never meant to be seen, even though she was caught doing the bit on multiple occasions.” He continued, “To those offended by Paul Gosar’s video depicting him as a character from a Japanese kids cartoon, taking the lives of Democrat colleagues and the President of the United States, it was all in good humor. In no way was his reaction to being punished for the video an indication that he is unhinged and looking to enact violence. Though we do admit that video he posted after the ruling was pretty cringe.”

McCarthy clarified that he and his fellow Republicans would not be backing down from the statements made.

“I want it to be understood that in no way are we sorry and that we fully believe in what was said,” McCarthy stated. “The only thing we’re sorry about is that you heard it. If we entice a nationalistic loon to commit a horrendous act against you, it will make us so happy. But in no way are we terrorists. We just love this country so much we’d commit domestic terrorism.”

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