Interview with Former Semi-Professional Pro Wrestler Ace Austin

Sitting on the side of a trailer park in Clearwater, Florida, Ace Austin sipped lemonade and tequila in his wheelchair beside his 4th wife and live-in nurse, Cecilia. Although he may never walk again, he reflects fondly on his time as a semi-professional wrestler for the China, Texas Extreme Deathmatch Wrestling Association of the United Southern States of America. 

“We were unstoppable,” Austin remembered. “Every night we were out there putting our bodies on the line to give those people in the audience a show. Hitting each other with chairs, throwing ourselves through tables, and making the new guys eat glass. Hell, there was one night Maniacal Mud Mauler loaded a salami log with 72 nails and beat a man to death. Right there in the ring. In front of kids. He’ll never be free.”

Now bound to a wheelchair, the former semi-professional, amateur pro wrestler remembers his time in the ring fondly but admitted he has some regrets. 

“If there was one thing I regret it wasn’t putting myself out there more,” Austin said. “I know if I had the courage to put it all on the line I would be giving a speech as a WWE Hall of Fame Inductee as we speak. Vince knew I existed, he was just waiting for the right moment to have me put ink to paper.”

And although the doors of a potential comeback have seemingly been closed by a number of medical professionals, Ace Austin isn’t opposed returning to the squared circle. 
“For me, nothing is off the table,” Austin admits. At least when it comes to sex, drugs, and wrestling.”

Austin even has some ideas about what a return to the ring may look like.

“I’m thinking ‘the first handicapped professional wrestler’ besides The Miz. Vince would have to approve it, but I think with the proper ramp I could roll down the entrance and launch myself right into the ring at the start of each match. Drunk with no seatbelt as God intended.”

When Lousy Human reached out to the WWE about a possible Ace Austin signing, a representative of the organization informed us that he was not welcome at WWE events after trying to gain access to WrestleMania as a Make-A-Wish kid 3 years ago. 

“That was just a misunderstanding from a very dark time in my life,” Ace explained.  “I will say that year I did have a slight scare with testicular cancer, so, they’re really overreacting.” 

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