Here’s how it will go down.

The rapture will happen when we least expect it. September 23rd. The exact date that every isolated Christian suffering from biblical levels of AI psychosis has been widdling down with their best friend, ChatGPT, as they perform analysis and mental gymnastics that would make the lady who fell in love with her psychiatrist fucking blush. Ensuring future generations won’t have a drop of clean water to drink as they max out all $20 of their premium subscription, they drive their account negative for each month. 

When God gives the word, his angels will come down and personally undress those chosen down to the nakedness in a manner that is sensual and surgical in nature, for which they began their journey here on earth. 

With a pat on the ass, God’s children will begin to rise. The air around them getting cooler, and the dew beginning to freeze, while the feeling of heavenly light and eternal warmth warms their skin. They will experience a sense of nirvana that they’ll believe is salvation.

Anticipating the heavenly rewards awaiting them, their elation will quickly turn from confusion to terror. One by one, they’ll see those they thought were saved implode around them in a brilliant display of fire and gore. Smited by the God they thought they worshipped every week. Unable to escape, their final moments will be spent begging to be taken next as the screams of their peers reach decibels that rupture the eardrums of those around them—deafened by the realization of their own ignorance. 

Those on the ground will be drenched in a seemingly endless rain of blood from the white Christian demons that plagued the earth. Soaked in the evidence of God’s rejection, they will receive a front row seat to the destruction of his own creation.

When the crimson sheets cease to flow and all that remains is the bloodstained humidity hanging in the air, God will reveal himself—gazing upon those that remain, seeing only those not demented or psychotic enough to become consumed by a pseudo-political fascist death cult.

And with a condescending shrug-like gesture and a “can I help you” expression on his face, a boom will ring out across the atmosphere of a powerful, “what? You’re welcome.” Before giving us a biblically accurate double finger fuck you and vanishing forever to leave the rest of humanity in paradise away from his fuck ass followers.