Andrew Cuomo Introduces New Homeless Management Project

As part of a new public health initiative, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo was seen diligently working to ensure his state’s human capital by joining cleaning crews in the New York City Subway. Governor Cuomo’s target, the largest virus to hit New York. The homeless.


“It’s important to maintain a high level of cleanliness here in NYC,” said Cuomo as he sprayed bleach into the face of a slumbering homeless man. “For those among us that are most vulnerable.”


Governor Cuomo was mobilized after being informed that those who would die on the street otherwise were taking shelter in the city’s underground transportation.


“When I heard, I was absolutely discussed,” Cuomo expressed with tear-filled eyes as he pulled the trigger on a mentally ill woman and her dog. “And I was ashamed. Ashamed that we had let this problem get so out of hand. That these creatures were crawling around down here. Spreading disease to decent citizens. Sleeping where the workers rest their asses.”


In response, Andrew Cuomo has pledged to implement a regular cleaning of subway cars, with preventative measures being taken to mitigate the presents of multiple strains of homeless.


“Stop hurting our people! We don’t want you here!” Cuomo exclaimed at young street performer gagging on chemicals.


Pausing for photos between cleansings, Cuomo offered a word of optimism for those trapped at home, waiting for life to return to normal.


“When I first got here and saw the problem, I was was like, ‘Ick! Disgusting!’, but now that I’ve seen the results of what our treatments are doing, I couldn’t be happier,” said Cuomo. “After just a few minutes, the fumes from the bleach and poison begins to work. They wheeze, they cough, they keel over and die. We sweep them up and keep moving. And New York wins in the end.”

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