I’m currently looking for a sophisticated singled woman who would be willing to accompany me to family gatherings this holiday season.
- At LEAST an 8 on a 1-10 scale.
- Between the ages of 17 and 65 years old.
- Open to polyamory.
- Enjoy giving blowjobs without having the favor returned.
- Down for anal.
- A virgin.
- Cooks, cleans, and does laundry.
- Advanced anime/manga collection.
- Into cosplay.
- Knowledgeable in fedora and cane cleaning/polishing techniques.
- Be financially independent and able to provide for me and my 7 cats.
- Gets along with the most important woman in my life, my mom.
- And has no living family members what so ever.
The last requirement is by far the most important qualification to date me this holiday season.
I am looking for an orphan or someone with no living relatives. I want you to be Batman.
I have no interest in being a part of anyone else’s family; I like my family perfectly fine, thank you very much.
Again, I WILL NOT be visiting anyone else’s family. This post is to rid myself of small talk with people I don’t know, discussing topics I have no interest in talking about.
So unless you’re completely alone on this planet with no one to call family, DO NOT ANSWER THIS AD! I WILL NOT RESPOND.
If you do find yourself alone in the universe and fit the requirements, shoot me an email ;).
My family is very kind with a lot of love to give. We can take you in, and you can be a part of our family.
You can be one of us.
Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to your replies. *Tips fedora*