Therapy with a Former Runescape E-Girlfriend

A man, Rick, sits on a couch in a therapist’s office. His therapist, Dr. Bracco, sits in a chair across from him, taking notes on a clipboard.

DR. BRACCO: So, Jim, you mentioned that you have commitment issues. Can you tell me more about that?

RICK: Yeah, it’s just hard for me to get close to people. I’ve never really been in a serious relationship.

DR. BRACCO: Do you think it might have anything to do with your time as a Runescape e-girlfriend?

RICK: (embarrassed) I don’t see why that would have an effect on me now.

DR. BRACCO: Well, having cyber sex with over 100 men as a middle schooler might have an effect on someone later in life.

RICK: (even more embarrassed) Please don’t describe it like that. I was seizing an entrepreneurial opportunity. 

DR. BRACCO: By cybering hundreds of strangers online?

RICK: Again, wording. They gave me stuff in exchange.

DR. BRACCO: So, prostitution?

RICK: (frustrated) Sure. If you want to call it that. Can we talk about something else?

DR. BRACCO: (unfazed) Of course, Rick. Let’s move on. Have you ever considered the possibility that your commitment issues might be due to your sexual orientation?

RICK: (stunned) What are you saying?

DR. BRACCO: Well, I’m saying if you spent your free time acting out some homoerotic fantasy with your online boyfriends every night of 6th, 7th, and 8th grade, there’s always the possibility that you’re gay.

(Rick sits in silence for a moment, processing this information. The therapist smiles and closes her clipboard.)

DR. KATIE: We can explore this more in our next session. Let’s try some relaxation techniques to help you with the childhood trauma caused by your father.

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