Woman Sets Quarterly Goal to “Become More Startling” 

Welcome to Em’s Business Corner! July 1st has come and gone and with that, business professionals around the globe are setting their new quarterly goals. This woman is pushing the boundaries on what to expect in quarterly goal setting in a fantastic way. I learned a lot from speaking with her, and am excited to share the interview with you. Let’s dive in!

Em: Would you give us a quick introduction to you, your work, and your goal-setting methodology?

Woman: No.

Em: Alright! You’ve gone viral on Twitter for your post identifying your Q3 goal as “becoming more startling, threatening, and concerning.” Can you tell the readers a bit about what that means?

Woman: Our ancestors would be very disappointed with our bleak, stark offices. I seek to bring chaos to the office in Q3.

Em: That’s exciting. Let’s break your goal down into steps. How do you attend to achieve this?

Woman: Revealing my plans would defeat the purpose of my goal. That being said, there will be mud, crime, screaming, roller coasters, the color orange, spiritual integration, and a tea party for survivors.

Em: Wow. Sounds like a lofty goal to accomplish in a mere three months. What are your long-term plans?
Woman: Anarchy in the workplace.

Em: Can you describe more of what that looks like in a day-to-day sense? Woman: No.

Em: It’s difficult to interview you.

Woman: Why are you doing it then?

Em: I’m not sure.

Woman: Who is going to read this?

Em: I’m not sure.

Woman: I’d say it’s difficult to interview you.

Em: Fuck.

Woman: Who are you when you are alone?

Em: What?

Woman: You’re just an actor in their game.

Em: Whose game?

Then the woman took my left shoe off my foot and ran off into the streets of Manhattan. I will say: this woman scared the shit out of me. I think she’s demonstrating best practices for converting an abstract goal into reality. My key takeaways from this invigorating interview are as follows:

  1. Professionalism is disintegrating authenticity in the workplace. If we seek to develop comprehensive teams of empowered individuals, we need to allow employees to be their full selves, even in an office setting.
  2. Use SMART goals. Make sure your quarterly goals are specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely.
  3. Tighten your shoelaces hard enough that a feral woman cannot remove your shoes easily.

Well, anyways. Thanks, again, for coming to Em’s Business Corner! Hope you learned something valuable today. Take some time today to reflect on the way your quarterly goals would be viewed by your ancestors. And finally, ask yourself: who are you when you’re alone? 

God bless!

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