Good Cancer

There’s good fat, so there must be good cancer, maybe? Said Dr. Henry Slatten, head of research at Sloatsburgs Memorial Hospital, to a group of first-year med school students.

The room of future doctors looked on in mild shock as Dr. Slatten quizzically arrived at his point, or at least tried to.

“I’m not saying cancer is good, of course, unless it’s been gifted to one of your greatest enemies, but I am saying that maybe there is cancer out there that isn’t a total douche.” Dr. Slatten would go on for several more minutes.

“Like the fat thing. Avocados have fat and now they’re cool to eat. When I was a kid, fat was really bad. I used to love to get a Reggie Bar after school on my way home, but my mom would tell me that it would make me fat … Reggie was a hell of a player and a very underrated defensive Right Fielder, am I right?” said the 20-year physician to his stunned students.

After Slatten’s lecture, Dr. Emanuel Keith, head of Oncology at Sloatsburgs Memorial, quickly rushed into the hall and told students to usher the students away and tell them to disregard everything they had heard that day. 

“When you get to such a distinguished age like Dr. Slatten you tend to develop the early stages of what we here in the medical field would call, ‘early onset dementia.’ But what do I know, I’m not a doctor. That bastard, Reggie Jackson sure had a hell of an arm, though.” 

The students in attendance for the lecture left the hall and immediately enrolled in dental school.

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