Are you tired? Feel Hopeless? Or really fucking bored?

Do you ever feel stuck in the daily grind of the rat race, confronting the bleak reality of repetition that will consume your life until the day you are buried in the ground with no tangible idea of how to escape it? 

A bucket of little hotdogs could help.

There isn’t much a little bucket of hotdogs couldn’t help. Heartache, backache, a terminal illness diagnosis, and a little buck of nitrite weenies can take all the pain away. And if you’re lucky, stop your heart from beating altogether. 

Grilled, broiled, microwave, or broiled, the preparation mode doesn’t matter. All that matters is that there’s enough to fill a bucket. And although bigger is usually better, any bucket will do, from the slim man’s KFC bucket size to the TLC’s My 600-Pound Zoo Animal-sized buckets usually reserved for baseballs or mixing concrete. Your problems will evaporate like the soul from your body. 

So what are you waiting for? Get your fat ass down to the store pick up as many packets of little weenies that you can carry in your arms, purchase a bucket or maybe a styrofoam cooler if you need to, and get started on your fucking bucket. At this point, it’s not a request. 

Get moving or we will fucking kill you.