Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the most mind-boggling, wallet-warring extravaganza the likes of late-stage capitalism have ever seen! Get ready to witness the clash of GDP vampires, the battle of brains and daddy bucks, as we bring you the inaugural edition of “Billionaire Deathmatch”! crowd erupts

Announcer: Tonight, in the grandest of arenas, we transport you back in time to ancient Rome, where gladiators once fought for glory and honor and the bloodthirsty elite’s entertainment. But forget about those antiquated warriors! We’ve got two modern-day trust fund babies ready to throw down in the most epic bout of our generation!

Announcer: In one corner, we have the man with the Midas touch when it comes to stealing social media ideas, the mastermind behind Facebook, the purchaser of Instagram, and now the new father of Threads, the reigning emperor of connectivity, Mark “Meat Smoker” Zuckerberg! crowd cheers and jeers simultaneously

Announcer: And in the opposite corner, the space-crazed apartheid autist, the alt-right pet boy, the one and only Elon “I Created Nothing” Musk! The crowd gives the same energy.

Announcer: Two billionaires are about to enter the Coliseum, one billionaire leaves, with plenty around the world hoping none of the do!

Announcer: We’ve got Roman senator’s little nuts shaking in their togas as they witness from Hades the battle for capitalist supremacy unfold! Will Zuckerberg’s dojo master’s guidance give him the upper hand? Or will Musk’s inflated ego send him soaring to victory? Only the gods of Silicon Valley know the answer!

Announcer: So grab your popcorn, adjust your neural implants, and prepare to witness the ultimate clash of the billionaires! “Billionaire Deathmatch” is about to rewrite the history books and redefine what it means to be filthy rich and ferociously competitive! Don’t you dare miss it!