There’s good fat, so there must be good cancer, maybe? Said Dr. Henry Slatten, head of research at Sloatsburgs Memorial Hospital, to a group of first-year med school students. The room of future doctors looked on in mild shock as Dr. Slatten quizzically arrived at his point, or at least tried to. “I’m not saying cancer is good, of course, unless it’s been gifted to … Continue reading Good Cancer
Aries: You may feel like a snail emerging from its shell.But, that’s just a dull illusion of a twisted reality. Quit your job and NEVER LEAVE HOME AGAIN. Taurus: Your boisterous, generous attitude is inspiring and welcomed by others. Who does that bitch Kathy at the office think she is to turn her nose up to your homemade queso? She can go right along and … Continue reading Horoscopes: November 2020
It’s been nearly four years since Donald Trump was elected President of the United States and you can still feel the shockwaves rumbling across the “land of the free” as unemployment, Most recently, 26-year-old virgin Mickey Pugnuts expressed his frustrations online in a heated status about his vote for President Trump. “Katie Gardner you fat piece of shit I hate you. I voted for Trump … Continue reading College Virgin Votes Trump
Aries: Don’t give up on finding the romantic partner of your dreams during the pandemic, give up on life instead. 2020 is a great year for losing hope. Taurus: There’s an intense focus on your sector of change and transformation, getting caught trying to fuck your cousin can be a life-changing experience. Gemini: As the sun eases into your sector of relating, it can encourage … Continue reading Horoscopes: October 2020
Aries: Both your love life and connections to you colleagues are on the agenda this week. The HR receptionist knows that you called her a “stupid cunt” behind her back and your boyfriend found you while cheating on Tinder. Have fun with that shit! Taurus: Expect to fall in love at first sight today, just don’t spend over $250 at the strip club. Your mom … Continue reading Horoscopes: September 2020
Dear Parents, As you may all be aware, last week we had a field trip to Exchange City (an educational roleplaying center where children get the chance to run an imaginary town set in a warehouse). The field trip went exceptionally well! We did, however, have one little hiccup. A white first grader who was chosen to be a cop at exchange accidentally fired off … Continue reading Field Trip Update: Black Student Shot By White Student In Minor Incident
In order to address some of the financial issues that have plagued their employees during the pandemic, before the pandemic, and in the last few decades, allowing employees to access the money from their upcoming checks with the “Walmart Employee Payday Loan Program.” “WEPLP is designed to allow employees to obtain the funds they earn prior to payday to combat the challenges of these troubling … Continue reading Walmart to Offer Employees Pandemic Relief Programs
