What To Do When You’re Prettier And More Successful Than All Your Friends

We as a society spend a lot of time discussing oppression.


It’s important to do that.


Oppression seems hard.


But we don’t spend a lot of time talking about the struggles of being blessed.


Roll your eyes all you want, but I know for a fact that sometimes I cry because I’m so
pretty.


If you’re in the same boat as me, privileged as all get out, I know you need some support.
Here are some tips on what to do when you’re prettier and more successful than everyone
around you.

  1. Tell them. You’re an inspiration to your peers. It’s vital that they know all the good things
    you have going on. Start a newsletter or text update subscription so that your followers– I
    mean friends– can know all the great things that are happening for you.
  2. Point out the bad parts of being rich and gorgeous. You don’t want your friends to get
    into the grass-is-always-greener mentality. Humble them. Discuss the tough parts of
    being fantastic: DMs are always too full to deal with, men are always throwing money
    and drinks at you (not literally, ew), and you have to turn down really good opportunities
    because you only get 24 hours a day to be fabulous.
  3. Sigh when you’ve been inconvenienced. People need to understand that hard things
    happen to you. You deserve empathy, kindness, and extremely above-and-beyond
    customer service. You’re willing to tip an entire 10% on the bill, after all!
  4. Make little comments that burrow in your friends’ minds. One effective way to motivate
    people is through shame. If you slide in little comments here and there, like “Oh, I didn’t
    know we were dressing casual for this extremely exclusive nightclub,” your friends will
    begin to grow and evolve. What are friends for if not promoting personal evolution?
  5. When your friends ask you if you feel like a shell of the woman you once were and
    accuse you of giving up your passions and goals for material wealth and the appearance
    of success, respond sternly. I suggest something along the lines of “How dare you speak
    to me with that whore mouth?”
    It can be hard to become successful when all your friends are all off-trend losers. Be the
    change in your friend group. You’re an inspiration, darling. Don’t let the poors get you down.

It can be hard to become successful when all your friends are all off-trend losers. Be the
change in your friend group. You’re an inspiration, darling. Don’t let the poors get you down.

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