Why Children Don’t Need Candy On Halloween

You children don’t need any more candy. They have plenty of candy, plenty of sugar, and plenty of dopamine due to the tiny phones they trot around in their pocket. We don’t need to give kids any more reasons to smile. It’s hard out here, and it’s time for kids to take a good look at the facts. 

Halloween is supposed to be spooky. If you want to be terrified, turn your eyes upon the cold hard truth of reality: no one loves you and everything you think is true is a lie. One day, you’re going to wake up and realize you’re 40 and the job you’ve been working for two decades has just been supporting proxy wars around the world. 

“But they’re nine years old. Their mommy loves them!” 

No, she doesn’t. She’s keeping CPS at bay while she pops a Xanax every six hours per her doctor’s prescription. Her “Mommy Juice” water bottle is full of whiskey. Every time her daughter says “MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY,” she envisions the life she gave away, singing on cruise ships and sleeping with 75-year-old men, takes a sip, and greets her kid with a plastered-on smile. 

The truth of Halloween is this: we’re terrified by the unknown. 

Well, kids, I’m trying to make it known so it won’t terrify you. 

Everything you believe to be true is merely a smoke screen, a facade, and your dad isn’t coming back. 

Grandma didn’t go to heaven, kids. 

Your dog ran away because he hates you. 

That thing you think is just a pimple is actually a tumor. 

The divorce was 100% your fault. You, personally. 

God’s not real. 

Nuclear war is coming. 


Thanks for reading, everybody! This is one of my new ghost stories for my children’s book, Open Your Eyes To The Horrors Around Every Corner. Hope you enjoyed it. Log onto my site, http://www.scaryourkids.org for more information about upcoming events.

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