Florida man, Mickey Pugnuts, is mad, upset, and fuming after being “bamboozled” by an Onlyfans model he used to go to high school with who sent him a video that he couldn’t afford.

“Usually, when you pay for a subscription to something, Netflix, Amazon, The Libertarian Guys with Asian Wives: Guide to Attracting Your Future Submissive Asian Wife, give you access to ALL the content on their service once you subscribe,” Pugnuts explained. “But this little fucking floozy has the AUDACITY to paywall the good stuff after spending $10 to subscribe to her page!” 

The two began talking after Pugnuts received an autoreply message that activated upon subscription. 

“As soon as my payment goes through, she’s on me like she’s on me like ranch on a fat bitches next meal,” he said. “She hit me with the ‘thank you sooo much for subscribing, baby, I’ve been waiting for you to come around.’ And I was immediately erect that she knew it was me after I debated subscribing for months.” 

But the conversation soon took a costly turn.

“So I rizz her back with, ‘Oh you know how bad I’ve wanted to get closer with you, Mommy. Let’s talk more about how I can worship every inch of you.’ you know? The hot stuff.

Then, she comes back with, ‘YES, I want you to see ALL of me, Daddy. Let me send you something special.’ And hit me with a video for unlock, for $50!

So I was like, ‘yo, what the fuck, hooker? $50? What do I get to see for $50?’ 

She said, ‘me in the shower.’

I said, ‘for how long?’

She said, ‘105 seconds.’ 

I said, ‘bitch that’s a minute and a half, and there is not god damn way I’m about to spend that to see your butthole.’

Then I asked if there was a family and friends discount for people who you grew up with? And she didn’t like that.”

She would then accuse Mickey of being her uncle and block his account. 

“I tried to create a new account and let her know that I’m not her Aunt’s 2nd husband, but the guy who sat behind her in geometry class in 10th grade. But she remembered me too well and said, ‘the kid who got caught masturbating under his trench coat?’ and blocked me again.”