“It was a more innocent time,” said Randy Welker while harkening back to his youth when he spent countless hours exposing his family’s Dell Dimension 2100 desktop computer to countless viruses and malware daily. 

“Kids these days have it too easy,” said the 42-year-old HVAC repair specialist. “Now they can just go to Spotify and have every song ever made at their fingertips; I had to risk exposing my mother’s checking account and social security number just to download a single Ja Rule song, ‘It’s Murda!’ Remember? He used to say that a lot. I miss Ja Rule.” 

Welker recounted a time when downloading songs on Bearshare rendered his family computer useless for days on end.

“I remember one time my dad had to file his tax returns, and the deadline was coming up. The IRS had already given him 6 extensions, and he tried to upload them to the site, but the computer completely froze on him. He was yelling, ‘What the fuck, Randy! Have you been fucking this computer up again with these bullshit songs! I am going to go to fucking jail if I don’t send this out before 6!’ “Good times, I mean, it did suck that he had to do 8 months in county, but my girlfriend needed that burned copy of ‘Now That’s what I call Music 7.”