Tag: conspiracy

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NRA Responses to Joe Biden with Another Terroristic Threat

Last week, in the wake of two mass shootings, more of which continue to plague this country week after week, Joe Biden looks to move forward with gun control measures. The administration will look to eliminate the ability for guns to be purchased and assembled in pieces, prevent the sale of stabilizing devices that turn pistols into short-barrel rifles, and allow police to remove firearms … Continue reading NRA Responses to Joe Biden with Another Terroristic Threat

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Horoscopes: December 2020

Aries: Try to get things organized at the start of the week because you could be less inclined to plan by the end of it. Mostly because you’ll be so fucking drunk, it’ll be amazing that you’re still breathing. Taurus: You might sense that something needs to change, but the start of the week may not be the time to act. You’ll quit heroin tomorrow. … Continue reading Horoscopes: December 2020

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Horoscopes: November 2020

Aries: You may feel like a snail emerging from its shell.But, that’s just a dull illusion of a twisted reality. Quit your job and NEVER LEAVE HOME AGAIN. Taurus: Your boisterous, generous attitude is inspiring and welcomed by others. Who does that bitch Kathy at the office think she is to turn her nose up to your homemade queso? She can go right along and … Continue reading Horoscopes: November 2020

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Dick Cheney Gets His Yearly Erection

In what has become a disturbing “Groundhog’s Day” ritual over the last 17 years, Dick Cheney announced that he had received his yearly September 11th erection. “The flagpole is due north,” Cheney told members of the press today during the 9/11 Memorial Service in New York. “The tower isn’t falling today.” For 364 days each year, the former Vice President of the United States is … Continue reading Dick Cheney Gets His Yearly Erection

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Horoscopes: September 2020

Aries: Both your love life and connections to you colleagues are on the agenda this week. The HR receptionist knows that you called her a “stupid cunt” behind her back and your boyfriend found you while cheating on Tinder. Have fun with that shit! Taurus: Expect to fall in love at first sight today, just don’t spend over $250 at the strip club. Your mom … Continue reading Horoscopes: September 2020

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Field Trip Update: Black Student Shot By White Student In Minor Incident

Dear Parents,  As you may all be aware, last week we had a field trip to Exchange City (an educational roleplaying center where children get the chance to run an imaginary town set in a warehouse). The field trip went exceptionally well! We did, however, have one little hiccup. A white first grader who was chosen to be a cop at exchange accidentally fired off … Continue reading Field Trip Update: Black Student Shot By White Student In Minor Incident

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