Dick Cheney Gets His Yearly Erection

In what has become a disturbing “Groundhog’s Day” ritual over the last 17 years, Dick Cheney announced that he had received his yearly September 11th erection.

“The flagpole is due north,” Cheney told members of the press today during the 9/11 Memorial Service in New York. “The tower isn’t falling today.”

For 364 days each year, the former Vice President of the United States is physically incapable of achieving an erection due to old age and a history of heart conditions depending on which heart you’re talking about. But, once a year on the day of the most memorable false flag events in U.S. history, Cheney’s soldier stands at full attention.

His secret source of arousal? Money. $39.6 million worth of natural Viagra his former employer Halliburton accumulated from the Iraq war.

The 2001 attacks are believed to be previously orchestrated by Cheney and Haliburton, who paid him 34 million dollars while leaving the company to join the Bush ticket.

More than 3,000 finance workers and first responders lost their lives in the horrendous event, with another 6,831 U.S. soldiers losing their lives and 1 million more wounded from the Iraq war that followed. Those numbers don’t include the half a million Iraqi deaths that occurred during the “War on Terror.”

But, at least Dick can get it up.

“Mmm, I’m so fucking evil.”

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