Tag: politics

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Tennessee Governor Bill Lee is Actually A Drag Icon

In this stifling political climate, Bill Lee, governor of Tennessee, has signed numerous bills that seek to place bans on drag queens in Tennessee. The impact of these bills is major for the LGBTQ+ community– beyond limiting drag performances, the bill ultimately targets and criminalizes transness within the state.  However, the story runs deeper. While Bill Lee looks like every other straight, white, dusty, old … Continue reading Tennessee Governor Bill Lee is Actually A Drag Icon

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Evangelical Christians Warn Devil’s Arrival as Smoke Blankets NYC

New York City – In a stunning display of cognitive gymnastics, a group of Evangelical Christians has attributed the recent smoke over the city to none other than the Devil himself and are losing their fucking minds. Announcing his imminent arrival on Earth.  The faithful believers, with an uncanny ability to connect the dots in ways that defy logic, have concluded that the smoke is … Continue reading Evangelical Christians Warn Devil’s Arrival as Smoke Blankets NYC

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Marjorie Taylor Greene is Enjoying Kevin McCarthy’s Chapstick

Marjorie Taylor Greene’s Kinky Plans for Kevin McCarthy’s Used Chapstick “At first when I bought it I thought they meant his penis,” Greene told reporters after the purchase. “I’ve seen his penis on multiple occasions and I would always compare it to a little tube of chapstick so when the auctioneer said ‘Kevin McCarthy’s used chapstick, $100,000’ I dove on it.”  The chapstick was in … Continue reading Marjorie Taylor Greene is Enjoying Kevin McCarthy’s Chapstick

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Leaked Emails Reveal Mickey Mouse Clapped Ron DeSantis’ Wife’s Cheeks

According to the emails allegedly exchanged between Mrs. DeSantis and Mickey, the two had been “clapping” her “fucking cheeks” for several months. The messages contained explicit details of their encounters, including one particularly scandalous rendezvous in the Magic Kingdom after hours where she and Ron got pregnant with the mouse’s baby and needed an abortion that halted the six-week abortion ban bill on the governor’s … Continue reading Leaked Emails Reveal Mickey Mouse Clapped Ron DeSantis’ Wife’s Cheeks

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King Charles Coronation Schedule Released to the Public

In a star-studded event that has not been seen in decades, King Charles III and Queen Camilla will be crowned at Westminster Abbey in London, England. Buckingham Palace officials have made the schedule of the day’s events available to the media, which goes as follows: 6:00 am: Coronation viewing areas will open along the main procession route, and collectively wonder why this event is happening seven … Continue reading King Charles Coronation Schedule Released to the Public

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Tucker Carlson and Don Lemon to Team Up for New Show

After being let go by their respective news networks, Tucker Carlson and Don Lemon will team up on a new show that begins next week. “Wake up YouTube” will air live at 9:00 am and alternate between Lemon’s veranda in Washington D.C. and Carlson’s basement in Woodstock, Maine. Critics wonder if men with such differing opinions as Carlson and Lemon could be cordial enough to … Continue reading Tucker Carlson and Don Lemon to Team Up for New Show

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Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Kicks Off Presidential Run By Contracting Smallpox

Robert F. Kennedy Jr., the son of former assassinated senator Robert F. Kennedy has officially thrown his hat in the ring for the 2024 presidential race. Following in the footsteps of his famous political family, Kennedy Jr. has been a known activist for many causes, most notably advocating against vaccinations. Kennedy Jr. did not try to soften his anti-vax stance but instead doubled down on … Continue reading Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Kicks Off Presidential Run By Contracting Smallpox

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Mayor Hospitalized After Eating Out of The Garbage To Show Homelessness “Wasn’t that Bad”

Standing in the cold yet humid auditorium at Lubbock High School, Mayor Martin Pissmouth stands at a podium addressing a small crowd of fat hicks. A homeless man sits on a bucket in front of him, staring into the gathering of diabetic hillbillies, white supremacists, and divorced suburban dads. “In a world where hard work is increasingly undervalued, I, Martin Pissmouth, am here to show … Continue reading Mayor Hospitalized After Eating Out of The Garbage To Show Homelessness “Wasn’t that Bad”

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Trump and Associates Hold Meeting On His Virginia Golf Course

Twitter erupted on Sunday as former President Donald Trump arrived in Washington, D.C., seemingly plucked directly from the golf course, still dawning his golf cleats. Questions quickly arose surrounding the choice of attire, sparking rumors of medical issues or an indictment.  But the internet went absolutely feral when Trump, his son Eric, and a few other rotund conservative swine, were caught on camera riding out … Continue reading Trump and Associates Hold Meeting On His Virginia Golf Course

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Why Ron DeSantis Always Wears a Suit

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is known not only for being an ideological fascist clown but for dressing like one too. His horrendously tacky navy blue suits do an excellent job of showing how he relates to the everyman. Because there’s no other way to choose a suit that is simultaneously too tight and falling off your body other than being a fucking idiot.  Thankfully, the … Continue reading Why Ron DeSantis Always Wears a Suit

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