From The Personal Ads: Libertarian Guy Looking For Asian Wife

Howdy ladies,

My name’s Chet, I’m a 53-year-old packer at a meat processing plant. Or as others would call it, libertarian guy looking for a freedom lovin’, gun shootin’, God-fearin’, woman to help build my future militia.

A woman who will obey me as the man of the house, taking care of the homefront as I train our children in survival, combat, and white supremacy.

That’s why I’m setting my sights on the women of China, Vietnam, Korea, and other Asian countries. I’m here to rescue you from the pit of communism and keep you safe here in America.

As my little eggroll, you’ll look to keep me as happy as possible. You will make sure to keep plenty of riceballs available for anime night and provide me with plenty of “under the desk support” (if you know what I mean ;)) while simulating combat on Call of Duty with the rest of my battalion.

I require sex at least twice a day. Saying you’re sick or “not in the mood” is unacceptable. Any refusable of services will result in me finding another suitable mate from the evening with repeat offenses ending up in divorce. There are plenty of females out there looking to take your place as my queen.

Now you may be asking, what’s my end game. You escape the clutches of Karl Marx, bare my children, and we build our ranks. But, what’s next?

Well, that’s for me to know and you to be debriefed on upon your arrival. But, just know it ultimately it overthrowing the government and me dying heroically on the battlefield.

After that, you will carry on my legacy, never to remarry. Our children will have children and continue our work, remembering me for all that I did for them, and how it all started.

I look forward to hearing from all of you eager women out there. I’ll be waiting.

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