Town Upset Mayor Wants to House the Homeless Instead of Introducing Plan to Kill Them

Mayor Christine Montgomery of Wellington Village, FL was booed off the stage today and she introduced a plan to house the homeless in a former hotel. The program would provide shelter for more than 300 unhoused in individuals and children in the community.

“How is this going to affect our property values?” a bloated Caucasian with less than five years left to live screeched from the crowd. 

“And what about the murders they’ll commit?” spat another. 

“Please everyone,” said Mayor Montgomery. “These people need our help and the current system is not solving anything. I’m sure you can find it in our hearts to lend your tax dollars to this worthy cause. As Jesus said, ‘give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven.’”

“Fuck Jesus!” a man hollered.

The crowd cheered with approval, hurling a flurry of boos at Montgomery. 

“Fuck Jesus! Fuck Jesus! Fuck Jesus!”

“Why don’t we use our tax dollars to put them to sleep?” another man chimed in. 

“Woah, surely you folks would not be in favor of euthanizing the homeless?” Montgomery questioned in a panic.

“Euthanize! Euthanize! Euthanize!”

“Honestly, folks,” the Mayor said, trying to bring the crowd back to reality. “We asked for your votes out of respect for democracy thinking you all we’re more than just a pack of blood thirsty demons. But, if that’s your true colors, can move along for what’s best for the community without your approval.”

“I’ll eat your fucking children!” a rabid caucazoid foamed as the crowd of crackers swarmed the stage. 

The official report by the Welling Villiage Police Department said that Montgomery made it out of the building with her security team, though quietly resigned and moved out of town. Unofficial evidence points to the caucasus-cannibals ate her alive and by the time the police arrived there was nothing left to collect. 

Many suspect the WVPD is still is possession of Montgomery’s credit cards, with a recent report in the local Town Taddle Tale newspaper stating her family is seeing purchases ranging in the thousands from military grade explosives to group massages at the Police Benevolent Association. 

The department has denied any wrong doing.

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