Recently, high-ranking NATO officials have made it clear, be ready when, not if, the shit hits the fan. NATO wants citizens of member countries to be prepared to have enough food and water to survive the first 36 hours after World War 3 is potentially initiated. 

However, many in the United States have failed to prepare. Some even have other plans for when the world is at war. 

“Ideally, the bomb would just land directly on my head,” said Florida Man Mickey Pugnuts. “That way, it will save me all the panic and hassle of having to spend my last remaining minutes on earth calling my parents just to watch each other die on FaceTime.” 

His plan if he survives? Total annihilation.

“I have enough drugs in this suitcase to make my last three days on Earth so incoherent I won’t even know I’m passing away,” Putnuts explained. “I have downloaded every picture, video, and transcript of dirty conversations I ever paid for on Onlyfans, on multiple waterproof hard drives, to keep me entertained, and of course, plenty of the last beer you’d ever want to drink, Michelob Light. But the crown jewel is my freezer in the garage filled will McChickens and McDoubles I’ve been gathering over the years.” 

Mickey’s end goal is that after a few continuous days of living this lifestyle, his heart will stop, removing him from the torture of the physical realm. 

“I figure it’s either that, or I’ll take up arms and start fighting anyone else I see in the streets. Then, I don’t know, maybe some cop or National Guardsman will put me out of my misery.”