Philadelphia Eagles Center, media darling, and everyone’s favorite bear Jason Kelce announced his retirement after 13 seasons in the NFL. The seven-time pro-bowler said that the time has come to spend time with his family, reflect on his playing days, and most importantly, consume the “sumptuous morsels” that have collected in his beard during that time. 

“I love playing football, but there’s so many things, so many moments you miss when you play this game professionally,” the Super Bowl LII Champion said at a tearful press conference. “There’s so much good stuff jammed in there that I look forward to chowing down on,”

The Eagles star is wasting no time on his retirement plans. “The first thing I will do when I get up tomorrow morning is kiss my wife, get the kids up and ready, and then eat the icing of a cinnamon roll I’ve been burrowing away since my first rookie minicamp. I’m a lucky man!”