After last Christmas, 67-year-old Florida man Rodney Dread has refused to take his Christmas decorations down and has no plans to do so soon. 

“I was talking to the shitty brat my sister birthed last Christmas, and he said something that still haunts my dreams to this day,” explained Dread. “This shit-breathed asshole looks at me, deadpan, and says, ‘You’ve only got 7 or 8 Christmases left, Unc. Statistically speaking.’ Can you believe that little prick?” 

In response, Rodney decided it would always be Christmas in his apartment. 

“I will not let that fucker win,” said Rodney. “Who’s got eight Christmas’ left now, you piece of shit? It’s Christmas 365 over here!” 

Although Rodney’s family, neighbors, and electric company have all contacted him with concerns about his well-being, Rodney has plans for future expansions.

“I’ve been on Temu every day using my 300% discount to deliver new decorations so that every room is themed,” he said. “My landlord tried to tell me my electric bill would be higher than my rent if I kept it up. I told him it’s cheaper than paying alimony for banging his wife. Now he’s in the middle of a divorce. Which is perfect timing because I’ve just hired a full-time Santa to live here. He starts next week, and I don’t need my landlord’s bitching interrupting our reindeer drills.” 

When asked if he was hurt by what his nephew said to him that made him upset, he said, “Fuck no. I’m no snowflake. If anything, it just gave me clarity—Christmas is the only thing that matters. Now I get to live it every single day, while everyone else rots in their sad, decorationless lives. Who’s winning now? Me, that’s who.”