To whom it may concern,

Let it be known that today, October 14th, 2020 I am putting in my 2-minute notice. As of 9:06 I will be leaving the office and never returning unless threatened with my life and in which case I would instead take the bullet to the back of my skull.

The first four minutes of today have really ground me down for the rest of my life, and if I have to pick up another phone call about someone’s leased Toyota, I’m going to kill an intern at my desk.

No, I do not wish to speak to anyone in HR regarding my decision, and if you try to come near me as I pack my belongings, I swear to God, I will stab you to death with a sharpened paper clip.

The last ten months here have been nothing but hell on earth, and I hate all of you with a real, grown-up passion that I have never experienced before in my life. I wish nothing but bad things for you and your employees, and I hope everyone dies a slow and painful death, filled tumors, or other terminal illnesses.

Enjoy the smell of microwaved fish from whichever asshole keeps doing that in the break room, and I’ll see you all in hell.

Sincerely piss off,

Mark Jacobson

Lease End Customer Service Representative