Ciao my fellow human, non-reptile piasanos! It’s-a me! Hilariano Clintiano! Celebrating the grand reopening of the house of adrenochrome and capicola, Eliteza Pizza! 

We use the freshest ingredients straight from Italia to bake you the freshest, hottest, and sexiest pizza this side of a federal prison cell. 

Before we went into hiding, I mean coronavirus, we served a variety of celebrities and world leaders! Tom Hanks, Chrissy Teigen, John Legend, Beyonce, Jay-Z, Lady Gaga, Bill and Melinda Gates,  all love our delicious pizza! 

But, don’t take my word for it. Just ask, my husband, Billiano Clintiano! 

Mama mia, folks. This pizza will have your mouth watering with each and every bite. You’ll lay in bed and night, gently stroking the head of your penis, or clitoris if you’re a woman, thinking about how good, their young skin feels against yours. And the way they….

OK, that’s enough of that-a. Anyways, come on down to Eliteza Pizza and have yourself the night of your life with the best pizza in town before we’re all gone!