Biden Thought Issuing A “Veto” Meant Writing To Vito Corleone

After nearly three years in office, President Biden issued his first Veto. However, the President mistakenly thought that a presidential veto was a letter the President got to write to the fictional “The Godfather” character Vito Corleone.  “He’s one of my favorite historical figures of all time!” exclaimed the President. “I always wanted to ask him what his cat’s name was.” Biden counted his blessings … Continue reading Biden Thought Issuing A “Veto” Meant Writing To Vito Corleone

Russia Halts Invasion As Teens Worldwide Go ‘Booty Up’

Vladimir Putin and Russian troops are now positioned to attack Ukraine any day. However, sources note a new pause taking place across Russian lines.  “Putin is being harassed online,” said Igor Igorsky, a source close to the Kremlin. “By suicidal teenagers.” In an effort to prevent World War Three, teenagers across the globe have taken to the internet to tell “Daddy Putin” their “feelies” on … Continue reading Russia Halts Invasion As Teens Worldwide Go ‘Booty Up’

Eliteza Pizza Celebrates Grand Reopening

Ciao my fellow human, non-reptile piasanos! It’s-a me! Hilariano Clintiano! Celebrating the grand reopening of the house of adrenochrome and capicola, Eliteza Pizza!  We use the freshest ingredients straight from Italia to bake you the freshest, hottest, and sexiest pizza this side of a federal prison cell.  Before we went into hiding, I mean coronavirus, we served a variety of celebrities and world leaders! Tom … Continue reading Eliteza Pizza Celebrates Grand Reopening

Trump Promise To Kill Plenty of Elderly at Florida Rally

On Monday, President Trump announced that he would be looking to set the record of most elderly infected with COVID-19 today at his rally in The Villages, Florida.  “I’m going to blow Cuomo’s nursing home slaughter out of the water,” the President said. “I’m will have my own mini-genocide right above Disney World. Walt would be so proud. He is proud. But, he would be … Continue reading Trump Promise To Kill Plenty of Elderly at Florida Rally

Donald Trump Threatens Suicide If He Loses To Joe Biden

Dear You Dirty Fucking Slut, Is this how you are going to our relationship? REALLY? By cheating on me with Joe Biden? Wow! Truly a coward move, America. I’ve given you the last four years of my life, giving up my businesses, took a gigantic shit on my family name that will last for generations, and you’re going to dribble on the balls of Sleep … Continue reading Donald Trump Threatens Suicide If He Loses To Joe Biden