“Oh, my father is 1/16 Nigerian,” Maggie Callshimdadi says to a confused nurse while cradling her newborn child with her damp husband by her side. “it comes through so distinctly in our children.”
“Yeah, the spectrum of culture displayed in our kids is truly remarkable,” Tom Obvicucked adds with a hard swallow. “I can’t wait to help explore their culture with them as they grow up.”
“Well, whatever works for the two of you,” the nurse states through poorly veiled confusion. “As of right now, we have Bobbi as the first name, but we don’t have a last name for her. Are we going with Obvicucked?”
“Callshimdadi,” Tom replied quickly. “Like our other children. We want to keep it consistent.”
The nurse writes the name on the birth certificate with one eyebrow raised.
“You know, it’s crazy that you keep getting pregnant,” Tom says, brushing the new hairs on the little girl’s head. “Her hair is so thick and curly. It’s just amazing because the only time we’ve had sex in the last year was five months ago.”
The nurse perks up in the distance.
“Because living in separate apartments helps make our relationship stronger,” Callshimdadi interrupts. “And thanks to modern medicine, it only takes that long for a baby to develop.”
“I know, you told me that for our last two kids,” Tom concedes. “And you are the nurse, so you would know better.”
The nurse interjects, “I thought you looked familiar. You work here, don’t you?”
“Yes, I’m a trauma nurse on the…”
“But, it’s crazy how all our kids look black,” Tom continues. “Even if you are 1/16 Nigerian, we’re 99% white.”
“Tom!” Maggie scolds. “Are you racist?”
“Cause it sounds like you’re a racist piece of shit who hates black people like your children,” she says. “Do you want your children to grow up fatherless?”
“Maggie, no, I was just saying…”
“Mr. and Mrs. Callshimdadi,” the nurse announces. “You have a visitor. It’s Nathan, the surgeon from upstairs, and, pardon me, his what looks like his ugly mini-me.”
“Oh, Nathan,” Maggie says with pep. “Send him in!”
A moment later, a tall, dark, and handsome surgeon walks in freshly out of surgery. A small, chubby, and blotchy version of him walks in behind him.
Nathan smile glows as he greets them. “Maggie, even when giving birth, you continue to be the most beautiful woman in the room.”
“Nate, stop,” she blushes. “You’re too sweet.”
“You must be Mr. Obvicucked,” Nate says, reaching out for a handshake. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“Ditto,” Tom lies.
Maggie and Nathan stare at each other, smiling as Tom looks back and forth at them then at his child.
“Well, I just wanted to say congratulations and meet the new baby,” Nathan concludes. “I will let you guys get back to being together with your newborn.”
I’m not a racist man,” Tom abruptly states in a raised voice.
“I didn’t think you we’re…”
“I’m just a guy trying to do what’s best for his wife and kids,” Tom continues. “I’m just a man trying to do what’s right for his family. I’m going to stick around and raise my kids to the best of my abilities. Being the father of minorities is not something that I had in mind, but I will do my best to step up to the challenge.”
“That’s great, bud…”
“The world hands people a lot of challenges,” Tom rambles manically. “But, when your kids are at stake, you can do nothing else but step up.”
“And sometimes when a black guy is fucking your wife when the kids are at my place, all you can do is watch with the cameras you installed in her bedroom.”
The room goes silent as the husky man peers from around Nathan to look at Tom, “so you know these are my kids?”