After 31 seasons of entertaining unemployed adults and unattended children across the globe, The Maury Show is set to end in September of 2022. The show will be remembered fondly as a trusted companion and a staple of daytime television.

When filming concludes, Maury, along with the cast and crew will be taken to the California desert to the “Tomb of You’re Are The Father” to be mummified and buried together in an undisclosed chamber. 

And though his corpse will be encased with his many accumulated treasures from throughout the years, from teeth lost in fights to written death threats and the hundreds of thousands of paternity tests. 

The remaining revenue from episode reruns will fund a 24/7/365 armed security detail to support the tomb’s extensive boobytraps. NBC promises that all trespassers will be “held in international waters for punishments that are outside of U.S. law.”