We here at Lousy Human have been made aware of the long-standing mental health crisis that has been rampaging a group rarely spoken about in the media—Dunkin Donuts coffee drinkers.

The level at which these people need sweetie treaties is unfathomable. These concoctions that they a conjuring can no longer be considered drinks let alone coffee beverages, because the only thing that qualifies them even to be considered a drink is because you slurp that sludge through a fucking straw. 

The syrup milk that they beg for every morning is sugary to the point of self-harm. It’s a drive for diabetes and heart disease so aggressive it would make the 1,000-pound twins blush. 

That’s why, from all of us here, we have to ask: Are you OK?

Do you need help? 

Do you need attention?

What series of unfortunate events led you to be in the position you find yourself in today?

We’re not in a position to help, but we’re certainly interested in you or your lifestyle. 
If you or a loved one are one of the diabolical Dunkin drinkers skittering around the planet and all fours, we encourage you to reach out, to us, with their stories. Please email lousyhumanmedia@gmail.com with your most fucked up tales. Please.