Dear Florida Educators, 

It’s no secret that the ‘woke mind virus’ has been infecting our public school systems. With this ‘virus’ spreading, the delicate ears of our children are being exposed to the lies of bogus events such as slavery or the holocaust. Drag queens have been seen in our public education system, grooming our kids and confusing them about their gender. 

At this time, I’m pleased to declare that it is now illegal to teach our children of any race, religion, or sexual orientation other than white, Christian, and straight, . The mere thought that black, brown, or LGBT people even exist is simply too much for the delicate ears of these children. We must protect them from this ‘virus’ and teach them the truth: that white people can’t see color or imagine sexuality other than heteronormative. And if black, brown, or LGBT people did exist, they would be the ones who were racist against white Christian Nazis. Not the other way around. 

To ensure that this new law is strictly enforced, any books from a non-straight white Christian fascist viewpoint will be burned. And when I become Furer of the United States, these groups will be executed. I will have my army of crazed white suburban dads and people with an IQ below 70, ready to kill. Jews are next once my administration figures out the source of their power. None will be spared, not even you, Ben Shapiro. Even if you’ve been banking on being an ally would save you. 

Your compliance is appreciated and expected. 

Sincerely, 

Ron DeSantis