Today, in an attempt to gain some much needed traction after night one of the RNC, President Donald Trump revealed a new program he will be rolling out before the midterm election in November. The target? Current and former college students.
“College debt is really bad,” President Trump said in front of the White House, “It’s a nasty issue. People are going into debt for tens and sometimes hundreds of thousands of dollars to get their college education because their parents were too poor to pay for them, and I believe that is very wrong. And to help put an end to this horrible issue, I have created a program to help relieve student loan debt.”
President Trump’s “End it All” program is designed to give Americans with college debt the option to eliminate the entirety of their student loan debt through one simple solution; they kill themselves.
“Starting today, people can go to LousyHuman.com/donate to empty their bank accounts before signing up for the program,” Trump stated. “Once registered, members will be eligible to kill themselves and have their outstanding student loans passed on to their relatives.”
Members receive words of encouragement along with lists, tips, and tricks to successfully killing yourself on the first try.
“We’re very excited about the program and the great things it will do for Americans,” Trump concluded. “College is a very Democrat problem and it will get rid of a lot of the very quickly. Lucky for us, most of my voters are too stupid to go to college in the first place.”
The program already has a wait-list exceeding 400,000 “eager” participants.